Generational trauma, often known as generational trauma, affected me long before I could articulate it. It showed itself as anxiety, trying to make others happy, being emotionally numb, and harmful family dynamics that I couldn't explain. I didn't know I was carrying anguish that didn't start with me until I paused and thought about my family's experience.
But I also learnt something much more important: it may end with me.
If you want to know how to heal trauma that has been passed down through the generations, let me tell you the seven steps I took and what helped me get through the tough times.
1. I Said That There Was Trauma That Went Back Generations
Why it mattered to me: For a long time, I felt things were "just the way they were." But I didn't start to feel better until I discovered that my family had passed on emotional sorrow from one generation to the next.
What I had problems with: At first, I didn't want to face the truth because I thought it would hurt my loved ones.
What helped me: Realizing that recognizing the trauma wasn't about blaming someone, it was about getting my story back. I don't mean to be rude to my family. I'm healing the wound so that future generations don't have to deal with it.
2. I Learned About Trauma That Happens to People Across Many Generations
Why it was significant to me: I read a lot of articles, watched a lot of YouTube videos, and read a lot of books about how trauma impacts our nervous systems. The science helped me figure out why I was feeling that way.
What I had difficulties with: Sometimes, I felt bad when I learned too much at once. It made me wonder more than it answered.
What helped me: Letting myself move at my own speed. I found trauma-informed therapists on social media and resources that were precisely linked to where I was in my journey.
3. I Looked Into the History of My Family
Why it mattered to me: To figure out where the trauma started, I thought about my family's past. Putting the pieces together helped me understand everything: poverty, addiction, abandonment, and emotional abuse.
What I had problems with: Some family members didn't want to talk, which was hard for me. Some people didn't remember, or they didn't want to.
What helped me: I started with what I already knew. Old photos, stories, journal entries, and even how my parents reared me helped me figure things out. When I couldn't find answers outside of myself, I relied on what my body knew and what my instincts told me.
4. I Observed Patterns of Trauma That Were Passed Down from One Generation to the Next
Why it was essential to me: I didn't just have random patterns like being a perfectionist, shutting down my emotions, or trying to please everyone. I received those reactions to trauma from my family. Seeing them helped me stop patterns that had been going on for a long time.
What I had problems with: Some of these patterns made me feel like they were part of who I am. Letting go was scary.
What helped me: I stopped judging myself. I was more fascinated. I wrote in a notebook, went to therapy, and pondered about how these routines had helped me stay alive in the past, even though they weren't helping me now.
5. I Began to Concentrate on My Inner Child and Reparenting
Why it mattered to me: I started to love, care for, and protect myself in ways that I didn't always have as a child. The best part of this vacation for my health was learning how to take better care of myself.
What I had problems with: At first, it was hard to talk to my inner child, do mirror work, or say positive things about myself. I wasn't used to being so nice to myself.
What helped me: I kept going, even when it was hard. I wrote in a guided diary, meditated, and imagined giving my younger self what she needed. The healing began to take hold over time.
6. I Told My Family and Other Individuals What I Would and Wouldn't Do
Why it was vital to me: I knew I couldn't stay in the same broken areas while I got healthier. I needed emotional boundaries to stay calm and flourish.
What I had problems with: It was hard to say "no." Some folks didn't like it. People said I was "different" or "distant."
What helped me: I stuck to what I believed. I uttered "I" statements and reminded myself that setting boundaries isn't the same as turning someone down; it's a gesture of self-respect. Some people didn't understand, but I wasn't getting well for them. I was getting better so I could be free.
7. I Committed to Leave Behind a New Legacy
Why it mattered to me: It's not only about me getting better; it's also about what I leave behind. I want my kids, nieces, nephews, and the others in my life to see what it is to be whole, mentally well, and free.
What I had problems with: I still sometimes revert back to my old ways. Getting well isn't a straight line; it's a mess.
What helped me: I focus on progress, not perfection. I spend time with other people who are also trying to improve themselves. I keep writing in my journal, praying, and choosing love instead of fear. Every day, I opted to break the cycle.
I Finally Broke the Cycle, and You Can Too
Healing trauma that has been passed down through generations changed my life. What happened to my family no longer makes me a victim. I am now in charge of what happens to me. If you're on this path too, know that you are strong enough, deserving enough, and more than able to change your story.
You don't have to bear what they couldn't fix. You didn't start it, but you can end it.
Today is the start of your new legacy!
Please leave a comment below if this made you want to start mending.